I am going to share a journey of running and mental health. This will be a bit of a long read and a right mess but this is how it coming out my mind.
During my time at school I was bullied for being different. Being a geek when at school I had long hair. Also being dyslexic did not help in school. The bullying came from both teachers and other students. Attacked and verbally mocked as so called just having banter. The fallout from this left my mind-set destroyed and I had no value in life. At collage life was still tough as I was coming to terms with being dyslexic and learning to understand the thoughts. Leaving my past behind me never healed fully. I made it out and went to university. Got my highest achievement in life. A 2.1 in video productions. But as I write this I remember the days standing on the platform in Colchester. Thinking I know the fast train goes though. Need to say I won’t say much more.
I needed help with my dyslexia and had support but involved going in to a building where it smelt funny. It was not pleasant at all. I felt that feeling of failure again. After a year or so I got a job with my old employer. One day I sat in my office. It was a quiet day and I just could not cope. Me and my boss got on but not always. I went to him and said I could not do this anymore. He sat with me as I called my doctors to give me support.
Support came to me in the form of CBT (Total waste of time) but this then lead on to therapy. I started to make progress and push forward. Then I meet my ex. Her mental health was abusive. Someone who rotted in life with no goals. Food was a comfort and if I said no she got moody. I encouraged her to seek help to overcome what she was facing. Every time she cheated it was “my fault” as I pushed her away. The day I decided to leave her after a another round of cheating with a final good bye.
Flash forward a few months later and I saw a sign up for a 5km race for life around North Weald airfield where I am based for work. Never run 5km in my life and being that kid at school who could not be bothered with P.E. I did this run as I had been going to the gym and gave me something to aim for. I did it in 50 minutes. This was the start to the beginning. The New Year comes and I see a advert for Run through. This was around Crystal Palace. It was a cold foggy day when I stood on that start line. As I ran I thought oh I only do this once to prove a point. I came in under 45 minutes. Not a bad first time. That feeling of happiness and achievement. After I did a few more runs and I found I could channel my thoughts in to running. That negative energy became the fuel to push deep and forward.
In March 2022 I joined Shout as a volunteer. Carried out over 500 hours of work with them supporting people. Over 800 people I supported and I learnt about my mental health more and more. I learn after a tough few shifts running gave me a release. I meet Emma my partner. This was the start of a big change in life. I found someone who accepted me for me. Both joined together with our own issues.
I then saw a advert for a season pass with RunThrough I worked out if I ran two a month at least I would save money and achieve something. Every run I did I took that thought and used it. I started to feel better. The fresh air, the others around me. Some runs are lonely (Velopark I find very lonely). I got in to better habits and find myself struggling when I cannot run. My mind now goes from feeling a 10/10 with negative thoughts to 3/10 as they never truly go away. Tell me I cannot go running and people soon notice my mood changes. Running is that release.
I run with Emma who also found the benefits of running. We get to explore together with runs. Every medal is a reminder of how far I have come. I am on a target to hit 100 medals soon. This is more than I ever ran. I am not that fat (still quite a bit porkpie) kid I was in school. I have run more in under 2 years than I have ever run. I went from not wanting to talk to others to getting to know others. Learning names of others. I could still be who I am.
Running the 5km is achievement to most. I always extend the offer if you are running a Run Through event and I am there to be a running buddy so no one is alone at the back. Let’s achieve that one goal this month.
I do have to note with this post I do have support in place for when I am low.
